Today I did something incredibly stupid. I hurt someone… Again. I say again, because I do this far too often. I always seem to hurt the people that I love the most. I don’t know why, maybe I have commitment issues or something. But what I thought were more words of honesty, and what would hopefully strengthen this relationship, probably ended up destroying it.
I’ve just hurt so many people that I wonder if I’m even capable of actually loving somebody. This, at least to me, is the problem with being gay. I fall in love, and then I feel bad about it, so I have to end it (if it ever started.) If I fall in love, it causes so much hurt. To me, to them, to my friends, and to my family. And I really just don’t want to hurt anyone, so maybe I should just stay single.
This issue transcends beyond romantic relationships, and into friendships. I think I may have ruined a friendship, because of the relationship, which ironically, probably just ended. You know who you are, both of you. And I’m truly sorry, I’ve tried to tell both of you, and I’m not even sure if you’re going to read this, but I guess I just need to get this off of my chest. I’m sorry if this post is depressing, and poorly written, but I needed to say these things. Also, I’m sorry if I’ve hurt anyone else, please tell me if I have, I want to make it right.